You never thought you could

But you can, and it's a lot better. 

Today's lunch: egg salad mayonnaise with pickles.

Insecurities

隨時感覺到的是自己的痛處 - 小小的弱點跟其他人完全無關, 但是受了恐懼的慫恿, 卻攻擊了他人, 真是不公平.

As usual

it's a conceptual problem and I know of only one way to work it through. What I need to know is where the bottom line is, and everything above it will be real.

When are you moving here?

 Alex:  not today

 me:  what?

but I have the guest bed all ready

and flowers on the table!

the flowers!

 Alex:  !

 me:  sadness

 Alex:  tragedy

 me:  heartbreak loss and inexpressible longing

etc.

Walking last night...

among the realization of the dreams of others, I felt an acute sense of anxiety and disappointment. I should have started years and years ago! Never doubt your instincts. 

May your fears

... never be realized.

The luxuries

... we don't have. 

Turn around

... walk away. Look at something else for a while.

Like this headboard.

[via A beautiful Mess]

I want to make one just to hang on the wall. How about "what the fuck have you done" or "how long has it been going on"? (non-indicative of present condition - just two phrases that have a lot of thought provoking potential)

Or this much deliciousness.

[via A beautiful Mess]

Today I...

can't be reached.

Drawing boxes...

to figure out how to read 簡譜, and I get from you: "why can't you draw circles like everyone else?"

When I asked you for help...

I'm not sure how you buttoned up the back of my top this morning but it's been undoing itself all day long. Totally sub-standard. Either that or my top is having a very different sort of day from the sort of day I'm having. Makes me slightly envious.

The question is

... can you step out of yourself? Move one square back from the front line of stress and the bombardment of shit hitting the fan in every direction.

So it's not perfect.

So you forgot.

So you could have done something different, something better.

So. What? (那.又.怎.麼.樣)

There's a wall papered in floral pattern between me and the feelings I will choose not to feel. The desires and demands that I will choose not to have. Today I will choose who I want to be, the emotions I want to have.

And then, quite unexpectedly...

I walk straight into happiness
(much like how I once felt many years ago).

Go forth...

utterly devoid of fear and trepidation. (It took finding you to make you realize what I've been missing).

Ich werde dich verschlingen mit Haut und Haar

Ulla Hahn/ Mit Haut und Haar (1981)

Ich zog dich aus der Senke deiner Jahre
und tauchte dich in meinen Sommer ein
ich leckte dir die Hand und Haut und Haare
und schwor dir ewig mein und dein zu sein.

Du wendetest mich um. Du branntest mir dein Zeichen
mit sanftem Feuer in das dünne Fell.
Da ließ ich von mir ab. Und schnell
begann ich vor mir selbst zurückzuweichen

und meinem Schwur. Anfangs blieb noch Erinnern
ein schöner Überrest der nach mir rief.
Da aber war ich schon in deinem Innern
vor mir verborgen. Du verbargst mich tief

Bis ich ganz in dir aufgegangen war:
da spucktest du mich aus mit Haut und Haar.